You know what frosts my flakes?
Trying to do business with USAA.
USAA says it specializes in serving military members, veterans and their families.
As a veteran, I am enrolled in a USAA Medicare supplemental plan. With the once-a-year window for making changes approaching, USAA sent me an email asking me to update my prescription drug list.
Fine. I’d be happy to. Except USAA won’t let me into my account.
To log in, I need a six-digit security code sent to my phone. There’s just one tiny problem. The code never arrives.
I requested six codes over 30 minutes. Nothing.
So, I did what people have been doing since Alexander Graham Bell invented the telephone. I called the company.
That’s when I met USAA’s customer service robot.
It told me it would connect me with a trained specialist who could help with my login problem. But, instead of connecting me, it immediately asked why I was calling.
I explained the problem again.
It promised to connect me with a specialist.
Then it asked why I was calling. Again.
Apparently, the robot was trained by the military’s Department of Redundancy Department.
So, I tried contacting USAA through Facebook. Nothing.
Finally, I replied to the original email USAA sent asking me to update my information. That got an immediate response!
Unfortunately, it said:
“Your response was sent to a USAA e-mail address that is not set up to receive messages.”
Of course it isn’t.
The message told me to contact USAA through its website, which I can’t log into, or call the same phone number where the robot keeps asking why I’m calling.
Let me get this straight.
USAA contacted me because it wants information from me. But I can’t give USAA the information because I can’t log in.
I can’t log in because USAA won’t send the security code.
I can’t get help because the robot won’t connect me to a human.
I can’t reply to the email because USAA doesn’t accept replies.
And I can’t get help through Facebook because nobody answers.
That is an impressive defensive perimeter. I’m surprised the Pentagon hasn’t called for advice.
I’m Grandpa Grumpy, and I know USAA serves military members and their families.
But does getting customer service really have to feel like a military SNAFU?
USAA asked me to complete a mission, then cut off every communication channel needed to accomplish it.
Mission impossible, indeed.