Frequently Asked Questions (FAQ)
Welcome to Grandpa Grumpy’s frequently asked questions (FAQ) page. I will address questions I am often asked in person and on social media.
If your question isn’t answered here, it probably shouldn’t have been asked in the first place.
General nonsense people ask me
Who is Grandpa Grumpy?
I’m what happens when common sense meets modern life and loses its patience.
Is Grandpa Grumpy a real person?
Yes, and I’m just as disappointed about it as you are.
Are you AI-generated?
If I were AI, I’d have better hair and fewer opinions. I’d also be slightly less irritated.
Why are you so grumpy?
I’m not grumpy. I’m observant. The world just keeps giving me new material.
Content-related questions
Where do you get ideas for your rants?
“From living one normal day in a messed up society.”
Do you script your rants?
“I jot down a few notes. The rest comes naturally when something frosts my flakes.”
Why do you say ‘frosts my flakes’ all the time?
“Because ‘triggers a level of irritation science can’t measure and drives me into a full-blown meltdown’ felt a little long.”
How often do you post new rants?
“Whenever something ridiculous happens. So, daily.”
Why don’t you talk about politics?
“Because the internet already has enough people yelling at each other about politics. I’m here to yell about things that actually deserve it. Because no matter what I say, half the audience immediately stops listening and the other half thinks I didn’t go far enough. I’d rather complain about things we can all agree are ridiculous.”
Can you email me your rants?
“To send you daily rants would require me to buy a robot. But, I’m happy to send you my newsletter that contains all my rants that week.”
Audience questions
When are you going to complain about __________?
“If I haven’t complained about it yet, or offended you with my answer, take a seat. I’ll get to it soon.”
Can I suggest a rant topic?
“Absolutely. If it annoys you, chances are strong it annoys me even more.”
Why are your videos so short?
“Because most people’s attention spans are even shorter than my patience.”
Do you read comments?
“Yes. I even reply when some of them make sense.”
Why do people argue in your comments?
“Because the internet gave everyone a keyboard and the ability to hide behind anonymous names while removing the requirement for critical thinking.”
Who supports this nonsense?
Who funds Grandpa Grumpy?
“The federal government through my overly-generous monthly Socialist Security payment.” <eye roll>
How can I support Grandpa Grumpy?
“You can buy me a coffee or a large Diet Dr. Pepper so I can stay properly irritated. Caffeine fuels the outrage.”
Do you sell merchandise?
“Yes. but I’m still deciding which complaints deserve to be worn in public. You can spend some money in the Grandpa Grumpy Store.”
Why do you want donations?
“Because complaining at this level requires copious amounts of professional-grade caffeine generally available only by prescription.”
What really ticks you off?
Why do you hate technology so much?
“I don’t hate technology. I hate what people have done to it.”
Why don’t things just work anymore?
“Because simple doesn’t require subscriptions, upgrades or three separate apps.”
Why do companies keep changing things that used to work just fine?
“To justify someone’s job title and because some bean counter figured out a way to save a buck or to replace humans with robots.”
Deeply personal questions
Does anything make you happy?
“Yes, babies, pizza, puppies, green lights and instructions written (or spoken) in plain English.”
What’s your favorite app?
“The one that doesn’t need an update every other day.”
What did you do for a living?
“I was a journalist who made a career out of asking questions and calling out things that didn’t make sense. Turns out, that skill set doesn’t retire.”
Do you like social media?
“I like the idea of it. The execution needs a timeout.”
Did you have any kids?
“I had three daughters, who pushed me to the edge of my patience and caused me to pull out my hair one clump at a time.”
Growing up, who had the most influence on you?
“My father, who always said, ‘The world revolves around common sense.’
Can you be less grumpy?
“No. Next question.”
I don’t like something you said.
Send your gripe to complaints @ grandpagrumpy.com. I read complaints on the fourth Friday of every month.