You know what frosts my flakes?
Being told to “listen closely because our menu options have changed.”
Really? It’s become the opening line for every automated phone system on the planet. The robotic voice acts like you’re some kind of frequent caller who has the old menu memorized.
News flash: We don’t.
How often would someone have to call the same company to even notice if the menu changed? Every day? Twice a day?
The rest of us are just trying to figure out how to report a problem, pay a bill or ask a simple question.
That announcement isn’t there to help us. It’s there to force us to listen to the entire menu instead of instinctively pressing zero.
Then, before you can explain why the company’s product isn’t working, you have to sit through a commercial about all the exciting new services they’re offering.
I don’t want to hear about your premium rewards program or about your amazing new app. And I certainly don’t want to hear that my call is important to you while you’re making me wait 37 minutes.
I just want to tell somebody my internet is down.
And don’t get me started on the robot that proudly announces, “You can now say, in a few words, why you’re calling.”
I do. I say, “Representative.”
The robot responds, “I’m sorry, I didn’t understand.”
“Speak to a representative.”
“Let’s try something else.”
No, let’s not. There was a time when a receptionist answered the phone, asked what you needed and transferred you to the right person in about 10 seconds.
Now we’re expected to navigate a computerized obstacle course, answer security questions, repeat your account number three times and explain the problem to a robot which still transfers callers to the wrong department.
I’m Grandpa Grumpy, and if your phone system has to tell callers to “listen closely because the menu options have changed,” maybe the menu has gotten way too complicated.