You know what frosts my flakes?
Amusement park prices.
I took my two oldest grandchildren to a major amusement park near Chicago today and nearly needed a second mortgage before we even got through the front gate.
First, there was parking at a cost of $40.
For that price, I expected my car to be washed, waxed, vacuumed and returned with a full tank of gas when I left.
Then came admission. If you just show up at the gate, tickets are $99 per person for one day.
They’re charging Disney World prices while delivering county fair service.
Now, if you buy tickets online ahead of time, the price can drop by nearly half. Isn’t that interesting?
Apparently printing a ticket at home saves the company $50 per person.
I suspect the real goal is collecting your email address and phone number so they can remind you every three days that funnel cakes exist.
Once inside, I was shocked by how much of the park wasn’t operating. Half the food stands were closed as were half the beverage stations. Most of the carnival games were closed and a significant number of shops wee closed.
Not all the rides were running either, which is odd, because judging by the prices, they should have been able to hire every teenager within a 50-mile radius.
Want a soda? That’s $5.49. Or you can buy a refillable 20-ounce bottle for the bargain price of $20.
Unless you think you might come back this season. Then you’re encouraged to buy the all-season bottle for $39. Unless you want slushies, hot cocoa and coffee, in which case the bottle jumps to $55.
Apparently that extra serving of hot chocolate requires advanced financial planning.
The best part? I stood in line at one of the few beverage stations that was actually open only to be told the soda machine wasn’t working.
Maybe they could have moved the employees to one of the closed beverage stations.
Food pricing was refreshingly simple. Everything was $20 whether hamburgers, chicken nuggets, pizza or kids meals.
By that point, I was expecting a single pickle spear to cost $20.
The temperature was 91 degrees with a heat index of 106. Perfect weather for water rides, right?
Wrong. Only one water ride was operating and the entire water park was closed.
Years ago, amusement parks had live shows throughout the day. There were singers, dancers, jugglers, animal acts and air-conditioned theaters where guests could escape the heat for a while.
Not anymore. This year I didn’t see any scheduled entertainment. For what they’re charging, I expected at least one guy balancing on a unicycle while juggling flaming bowling pins.
I’m Grandpa Grumpy, and if amusement parks are going to charge full price, I expect full service.
The good news is my grandson finally topped 54 inches tall and could ride every ride in the park. The bad news is I may have to take out a loan or sell a kidney in order to bring him back.