You know what really frosts my flakes?
Buying a car apparently isn’t enough anymore. Now automakers want you to subscribe to it.
I’m not talking about SiriusXM, cellular service or something else that actually costs money every month to provide.
I’m talking about features involving equipment that has already been installed in the car.
BMW famously tried charging people a subscription to use heated seats in some markets. The heating elements were already there. Owners just had to keep paying BMW for permission to use them.
The company eventually abandoned that idea after customers revolted, but automakers haven’t abandoned the subscription economy. They simply developed new ways to profit from it.
Depending on the manufacturer and vehicle, people can encounter subscriptions for remote-start services, hands-free driving, parking assistance, enhanced navigation and other features.
Think about how ridiculous that concept is.
People can spend $50,000 on a new car containing cameras, sensors, computers and other equipment needed to provide certain features.
They drive the car home, park it in their driveway and still may need to keep paying the manufacturer to unlock some capabilities.
Imagine buying a new house with a ceiling fan already installed, but having to pay the builder $9.99 every month to ensure the switch will turn it on.
And what happens when people sell these cars?
The next owner can buy a used vehicle with all the cameras, sensors and other equipment still installed, only to discover some features won’t work without another subscription.
So now buying a used car could require more than asking whether it has heated seats or advanced driving features.
People may also have to ask, “Do they actually WORK, or do I have to subscribe to those, too?”
What’s next?
Your headlights work for the first three months, but then Ford sends you an email saying, “Your free trial of Headlight Plus is ending.”
Want the passenger window to roll down? Subscribe to Window Premium.
Want the horn to make noise? That’s included with the Honk Unlimited package for only $4.99 a month.
And don’t even think about using the cupholders without upgrading to Beverage Pro.
This subscription nonsense has already invaded our televisions, phones, computers and practically every piece of software we use.
Now it’s coming for our cars.
I understand paying every month when a company actually provides an ongoing service.
But, if the equipment is already installed in the car sitting in someone’s driveway, manufacturers shouldn’t be reaching through the internet to shut it off until somebody hands them another credit card.
I am Grandpa Grumpy and when people buy a car, they should own the car, not rent permission to use it.
Because if we’re going to start putting everything behind a paywall, automakers should stop calling them automobiles.
They’re nothing more than four tires and a rolling collection of monthly subscriptions.