You know what frosts my flakes?
Haircut prices.
Barbers today charge $25 to $35 plus a tip to cut what’s left of my hair.
I walked into a barber shop the other day and nearly needed smelling salts when I saw the prices.
They wanted thirty bucks for a haircut. For who? Sasquatch?
I’m about 70 percent bald. There is more scalp than hair up there. In fact, there is more hair growing out of my nose and ears than the top of my head. The barber spends more time looking for my hair than actually cutting it.
The entire process takes less than three minutes. Buzzzzzz. Snip. Done.
I barely have time to sit down before they’re spinning the chair around so I can admire the work.
What work? You removed seventeen hairs and gave the remaining twelve a motivational speech.
Then comes the payment screen. Haircut: $30. Suggested tip: 20 percent, 25 percent or 30 percent.
For three minutes of work, I’m paying the equivalent of a lawyer’s hourly rate.
And when did barbers become hair stylists?
I remember when a barber cut your hair, swept the floor and maybe asked how the Packers were doing.
Now they want to wash it, condition it, blow dry it, style it and recommend three specialty products harvested from free-range coconuts grown under a full moon.
It’s a haircut, not a spa retreat.
Have men become that vain? Are guys really spending an hour in front of a mirror arranging every strand of hair like they’re preparing for a magazine cover shoot?
Most of us put on a baseball cap and call it a day.
The truth is, if you’re charging me $35 to cut the tiny patch of hair I have left, I should qualify for a senior discount, a volume discount and a baldness rebate.
At this point, I’m one price increase away from buying a set of clippers and a large mixing bowl and doing it myself.