You know what really frosts my flakes?
Handing out awards based on popularity contests.
I can’t go on Facebook any more without seeing requests to “vote for me” for some silly contest.
Apparently, some company developed dozens of ways for people to “make their mark” and “have a big impact.”
A big impact? Yeah, on their credit card statements.
It appears to be a colossal fundraising scam.
They run competitions for everything now.
America’s favorite student.
Most artistic kid.
Youth athlete of the year.
America’s favorite couple.
Super mom or entrepreneur of impact
And my personal favorite, toddler of the year.
A toddler, who is under three years old and barely knows how to use a spoon, but apparently is making a “big impact.”
Give me a break.
Here’s how it works.
The company “nominates” a bunch of people.
Then those people go begging everyone they’ve ever met for votes.
But wait, it gets better.
You can only vote after being “verified” through Facebook. Because nothing says “fair competition” like tying it to who has the biggest social media following.
You get one free vote a day. But if you really care about the person, then you can buy more votes at a dollar a vote.
Because nothing proves talent more than a PayPal account and a guilt trip.
“Hey friends, if you love me, could you spend 20 bucks so I can win ‘Father of the Year’?”
We’ve officially turned recognition into a fundraiser wrapped in a popularity contest.
And just to keep the pressure on, the company posts a leaderboard so everyone can watch themselves lose in real time unless they shake down a few more friends and relatives.
Then the “competition” keeps going.
Round after round.
More voting.
More begging.
More money.
Until, finally, one person wins.
Not the most talented. Not the most deserving. Just the one who squeezed the most cash out of their network.
Now, they say it’s all for charity and, sure, some money goes there.
But when the organizer itself proudly announces a “minimum 50 percent pass-through,” what they’re really saying is, “We keep half.”
That’s not generosity. It’s a business model.
And then they wrap it all up in a nice little bow with inspirational language about journeys and experiences.
“One winner,” they say.
Yeah, the one who mastered the fine art of fundraising disguised as a popularity contest.
I’ve seen this before. It’s called high school. Only back then, we didn’t pretend the prom king was chosen for his “impact on society.”
I’m Grandpa Grumpy, and if we’re going to hand out awards, how about we try something radical and pick the best person for the recognition.