You know what frosts my flakes?
Political advertising!
As a Wisconsin native, I had the pleasure of watching and listening to Milwaukee Brewers games during the playoffs and World Series.
But, you know what nearly ruined all the excitement?
The nonstop bickering, whining and mudslinging in political commercials on TV and radio.
“Vote for me because I’m not quite as terrible as the other guy!”
“Did you know Candidate A kicked a puppy when he was 7 years old? Can we really trust a puppy kicker in Congress?”
“Candidate B once accepted a campaign donation from a man who got a speeding ticket in a school zone. Does Candidate B hate children?”
“Candidate A wants to bankrupt America! Vote for me, and I’ll bankrupt it at a much more responsible pace!”
GOOD GRIEF!
I was trying to watch a baseball game, not referee a kindergarten playground fight!
Let’s face it. Every candidate running for office is a flawed human being, just like the rest of us.
But, rather than explain their qualifications, accomplishments or policies, these political pinheads spend millions telling us why their opponents are the spawn of Satan.
Apparently, the qualifications for public office now include having a pulse, a wealthy donor and the ability to sling mud without getting any on your own shoes.
By the seventh inning, I was ready to vote every candidate off the island.
In fact, I have an idea that could revolutionize American politics.
Every ballot should include a special option: NONE OF THE ABOVE!
And I don’t mean some symbolic protest vote that gets ignored faster than a campaign promise.
I’m talking about a real option with real consequences.
If NONE OF THE ABOVE gets 50.1% of the vote, the election is canceled. Every candidate on that ballot is disqualified, and we start over with a completely new slate of candidates in 30 days.
Imagine the campaign commercials then!
“Please vote for me. I promise not to embarrass myself this time!”
“My opponent is a decent human being, and I respectfully disagree with his tax policy.”
“Here’s what I actually intend to accomplish if elected.”
Wouldn’t THAT be refreshing?
Maybe we’d finally get candidates who explain what they’re FOR instead of spending every waking moment telling us who they’re AGAINST.
And perhaps television stations could return to advertising things we actually enjoy, like overpriced pickup trucks, prescription drugs with 47 side effects and insurance companies with talking animals.
I’m Grandpa Grumpy, and I’m tired of political campaigns that treat voters like idiots.
You can find more at grandpagrumpy.com.