You know what really frosts my flakes?
Internet-connected appliances.
Why in the world do our toasters, blenders, coffee makers, ovens and refrigerators need to be connected to the internet?
I understand why my computer and phone needs the internet, but my refrigerator?
It has one job: To keep the food cold.
Are our lives moving at such a frantic pace that we can’t wait five minutes for the oven to preheat when we get home?
Apparently not.
Now we need an app so we can turn on the oven from the office, presumably because waiting an extra 10 minutes to cook a frozen pizza would bring civilization to a grinding halt.
Well, like so many technological marvels designed to make our lives easier, “smart” appliances have discovered exciting new ways to make our lives more complicated.
The news today is that internet-connected freezers at 18 military commissaries around the world suddenly went into extended defrost mode at about the same time.
Tons of frozen food reportedly had to be thrown away.
There is some question about whether hackers caused the problem or whether it was simply a massive computer glitch. But that’s almost beside the point.
We took something incredibly simple, like keeping food frozen, connected it to the internet and created an entirely new way for it to fail.
The old freezer had a pretty straightforward operating system: You plugged it in and it got cold.
The new freezer apparently needs software, internet access and possibly a cybersecurity department to make sure the ice cream doesn’t melt.
For years, hackers have broken into internet-connected security cameras and other devices. Now we’ve connected practically everything in our homes to the same worldwide network.
What’s next? Will my toaster need Norton Antivirus before it can brown a bagel?
Will my refrigerator need a monthly cybersecurity update?
Will my coffee maker stop working because I haven’t installed firmware version 14.2? Instead of a cup of steaming hot coffee, I will get a message saying, “Your coffee cannot be brewed at this time. Please accept our updated Terms of Service.”
And you just know where this is eventually headed: subscriptions.
“Your free trial of Refrigerator Premium has expired. Please enter a credit card number to continue freezing your food.”
I’m Grandpa Grumpy, and if making my appliances “smart” means they need Wi-Fi, software updates, passwords and cybersecurity protection just to perform the same jobs appliances have been doing perfectly well for 75 years, I’ll stick with the dumb ones.
At least my dumb toaster doesn’t need my email address before it’ll make breakfast.