You know what really frosts my flakes?
“Do Not Reply” email addresses.
I got a message today from my favorite government agency, the post office, telling me they could not renew my post office box 16 days early.
Well, no kidding.
The bill is not even due until the 31st, so why is the post office trying to automatically renew it today like an scam telemarketer?
But here is the fun part. I cannot ask anybody. The highly helpful message came from do********@**ps.com.
Nothing says “we value our customers” quite like sending an email from an address specifically designed to ignore them.
Somewhere deep inside a government bunker, there is a computer programmed to say:
“We are contacting you with important information. But, do not contact us back under any circumstances.”
At the bottom of the email, they generously explain that if I need assistance with PO Boxes, I should visit the help page or click “Contact Us.”
Ah, yes. The famous Contact Us page. That’s where customer service goes to die.
So I click the link, which takes me to another page with options to email customer service about package status, mail delivery problems, postal employees, postal facilities, permits and bulk mail.
But what if I need help with an actual USPS.com technical issue or something involving my post office box account?
That is where the real magic happens. Instead of a human being, I get a robot that only helps with missing mail and package tracking.
That is it.
Apparently the United States Postal Service has decided that every customer problem on earth can be solved by typing in a tracking number.
I kept looking for a button that said: “My issue is none of the above,” but I think the post office removed it around 1997.
So, the notice indicated the post office will helpfully try to bill my credit card again a few days before the actual due date, which won’t be successful either because the credit card has changed.
Or, they can wait until the actual due date when I will pay the bill myself.
But, as soon as I pay it, the robot will update my account so post office can automatically renew my box a month early in five months.
I am old enough to remember when the post office employed actual human beings and trained them to provide actual customer service.
Now everything is automated, digitized and routed through robots programmed by people who have clearly never tried to use the system themselves.
The post office keeps raising prices, slowing delivery and replacing people with machines that cannot answer questions.
At this point, the only thing still moving first class is customer frustration.
I’m Grandpa Grumpy, and honestly, I do not know if I would miss the post office if it disappeared tomorrow.