You know what really frosts my flakes?
People who treat their dinner like it just made the honor roll.
Somewhere along the line, we stopped eating food and started documenting it like it’s a newborn grandchild.
“Oh look, everyone… it’s my sandwich.”
You mean the same sandwich 14 million other people had today?
But, no, this one is special. It has a pickle.
Now we’ve got folks holding up their entire table because nobody can take a bite until the lighting is right.
“Don’t touch it yet!”
The fries are getting cold, and the salad is getting soggy, but heaven forbid we miss the golden hour for a cheeseburger.
And then come the videos.
Grown adults just sitting there taking a bite and closing their eyes or, even worse, rolling their eyes and making sounds like they’re filming a sequel to the diner scene in When Harry Met Sally.
What is this? Dinner or a honeymoon?
I’m watching a guy eat macaroni and cheese like he just discovered fire.
“It’s so creamy… so rich…”
It’s noodles, pal. Settle down.
We used to say grace before meals. Now people say, “Hold on, I need content.”
And the captions!
“Date night.”
“Living my best life.”
“Food coma loading.”
It’s a plate of pancakes, not a life milestone.
Meanwhile, I’m over here eating my dinner like a normal human being. You know, eating quietly with a fork and without a camera crew.
I’m Grandpa Grumpy and I remember when the only thing we did with our food was eat it.