You know what really frosts my flakes?
Government bureaucracy.
A few weeks ago, I had the misfortune of needing to contact the agency that oversees businesses in Arizona.
About a month earlier, I needed to file a specific form for my business. I went to the agency’s website and discovered there were two forms that looked like they might do the job.
Naturally, I asked the agency’s helpful little robot which one I needed.
The robot told me to submit Form A, so I did.
Because I wasn’t in a hurry, I didn’t pay extra to have some bureaucrat “expedite” it. I figured I’d save the money and let government operate at its usual lightning-fast pace.
Nearly six weeks later, I finally received a notification saying the form had been processed.
Six weeks! I could have planted tomatoes, watched them grow and made salsa in less time.
But when I went online to confirm the change, I discovered only part of it had been made. So, I called the agency.
Naturally, another robot answered and eagerly offered to assist me. No, thank you. I’ve already experienced your robot assistance. So, I insisted on speaking with a human.
That’s when I was put on hold for 92 minutes.
NINETY-TWO MINUTES!
I spent more than an hour and a half listening to combination of hold music and government reminders because, apparently, government agencies have absolutely no concern about wasting the time of people they’re supposed to serve.
Finally, a human answered. I explained the problem and she told me I should have filed Form B instead.
Wait a minute. I explained that THEIR robot told me to file Form A.
Her response? The robot makes mistakes. Of course it does! I should have expected that. Bureaucrats make mistakes all the time and they’re the ones who trained the robot.
The agent showed me where to download the correct form. Great! We’re finally getting somewhere. Except there was one little catch.
This time, expedited processing was required.
I could pay $35 to have another robot correct the first robot’s mistake within three business days.
Or I could pay $100 to have a human correct the robot’s mistake by the next business day.
Let me make sure I understand this. YOUR robot gave me the wrong information. I followed YOUR robot’s instructions.
I waited nearly SIX WEEKS for YOUR agency to process the wrong form and now I have to PAY YOU EXTRA to fix YOUR mistake?
That is government efficiency at its finest.
Unfortunately, it was Friday before a holiday weekend and I was in a bind. The wording on the public-facing website had to be exactly right before I could open a bank account.
If I paid $35, the correction wouldn’t be processed until Thursday or, more likely, the next Friday.
If I paid $100, it would be done by close of business Tuesday.
So, one hundred dollars later, the problem was fixed and the bank account was opened.
Now I’m sitting at home reminiscing about all the things I could have done with that $100 bill if I hadn’t needed to pay the government to correct a mistake its own robot made.
I’m Grandpa Grumpy, and I’d like to thank bureaucrats everywhere. You’re doing your part to make people grumpy at every stage of life.