You know what frosts my flakes?
Human door alarms.
You walk into a business and some employee immediately blurts out, “Welcome in.” But, they say it with the same enthusiasm as a kid opening socks on Christmas morning.
Flat. Lifeless. Like they just read it off a cue card taped to the ceiling.
Then you take three more steps and trigger the next one. “Thanks for coming in.”
It’s like walking through a haunted house, except instead of ghosts jumping out, it’s underpaid employees reciting lines they don’t believe.
No eye contact.
No smile.
No pause in whatever they were doing.
They don’t even look up. They just fire off the phrase like a car alarm going off in a parking lot.
And I’m supposed to feel welcomed by that? I hear it and think, “Wow, I feel as welcome as a telemarketer at dinner time.”
At least a real greeting involves a human being. You know, eye contact, a nod or maybe even a “good morning” that sounds like it came from a living, breathing person.
Instead, we’ve turned customer service into a script.
Step 1: Detect human.
Step 2: Say phrase.
Step 3: Resume ignoring human.
Honestly, I’d feel more welcome if an actual motion sensor over the door said the phrases. At least then I’d know it wasn’t pretending.
I’m Grandpa Grumpy, and I remember when “welcome” actually meant something.