You know what really frosts my flakes? Google Maps.
Now don’t get me wrong. It’s an amazing tool. You can drop a pin anywhere on earth and it’ll guide you right to the front door.
But using it? That’s where the headache starts.
First off, the street names are teeny tiny. You can zoom in so far you feel like you’re about to walk into the building, and the street name is still written in what looks like a 4-point font.
I’ve got glasses and a magnifying glass and still can’t see Elm Street.
Then there’s the directions. You give it specific instructions, like “Avoid highways.” And it listens, for about 30 seconds.
Suddenly, it pipes up like an overeager backseat driver telling you, “We’ve found a faster route that saves three minutes.”
Oh really? Is it by using the highway I just told you to avoid? Of course it is. And if you don’t stab that “No thanks” button fast enough, it just reroutes you anyway.
Then you’ve got the reporting system. Google lets you report police, accidents, construction, objects in the road, all of which are very helpful.
But, after a few reports, it basically says, “Whoa there, citizen. That’s enough helping for one day.” After four reports…on a long road trip? What’s the purpose of this rationing program?
Don’t get me started on toll roads. If you forget to turn on “avoid tolls,” it’ll send you through every toll booth in three states, even if it saves you absolutely no time.
At this point I’m convinced Google gets a kickback on every toll collected.
Try searching for hotels. You think you’re getting helpful options, but, somehow, every result just happens to be tied to a booking site that paid for placement. What a coincidence.
The same thing happens when you look up a city. You want landmarks, history or, maybe, something worth seeing.
Instead, you get a bunch of random businesses and office buildings that paid to be “featured.” Nothing says “welcome to a new city” like a strip mall accounting firm.
Look, I appreciate the technology. But, I don’t need a co-pilot. I just need a map that listens.
I’m Grandpa Grumpy and I’d just like to get somewhere without an argument. But, having a scenic route option would be nice.